When “I’m Sorry” Never Comes
We must forgive as Christ forgives.
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” — Colossians 3:13
I recently got a call from someone who wanted to apologize for something he had done a year ago. At the time, he had been unfriendly, even rude. But did a one-minute conversation really make things right?
As a Christian, the answer isn’t about whether his apology felt sufficient. Jesus made it clear: “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” (Luke 17:3-4)
Forgiveness is not optional for believers. In fact, Jesus says refusing to forgive is spiritually deadly: “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15)
In my case, forgiving wasn’t hard. His offense was irritating, not life-changing. I had already forgiven him long before his call.
But what about when the wound is far deeper?
True Christian forgiveness was displayed in 2015 after Dylann Roof murdered nine believers during a Bible study at Emanuel AME Church. Though Roof showed no remorse, family members of the victims publicly forgave him. Anthony Thompson, whose wife was killed, told him, “I forgive you. My family forgives you. We would like you to take this opportunity to repent … give your life to the One who matters most, Christ, so He can change your ways.”
In September 2025, Erika Kirk’s husband, Charlie, was assassinated before thousands of people. The shock and grief she and her children endured are unimaginable. Yet, just days later at his memorial, Erika summoned Christ’s strength to say, “That man, that young man … I forgive him. I forgive him because it is what Christ did and what Charlie would do.”
She didn’t wait for an apology. She forgave without it.
Both Erika Kirk and the Emanuel Nine families extended forgiveness without conditions. That is extraordinary because most of us instinctively think forgiveness requires an apology.
But Scripture says otherwise. Colossians 3:13 commands, “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
Forgiveness, like love, is meant to be unconditional. It is a gift we are to give freely. If we demand an apology first, forgiveness becomes a transaction, not a gift. It also gives the offender the power to decide whether we can forgive. But Christ gives us authority to forgive regardless — and that freedom is as much for us as for them.
That’s because when we forgive, we release ourselves from bondage. Anger, resentment, and anxiety can imprison us, but forgiveness breaks the chains. As someone once said, “Forgiveness is like releasing a prisoner, only to discover the prisoner was you.”
God Himself models this. He purchased for the world the gift of forgiveness through Christ’s life, death, and resurrection. As Romans 5:8 proclaims, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
John 3:16 makes it clear that salvation comes through faith, not through a perfectly worded apology: “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
This means the moment we believe, His forgiveness is ours. Repentance naturally flows out of that faith, just as the prodigal son apologized the moment his father embraced him. But the father didn’t wait to hear that apology before running to him. Forgiveness had already been granted.
That’s the pattern for us, too. Forgive as Christ forgave you — freely, unconditionally, and completely. In doing so, you reflect His love, open the door for others to repent, and find peace in your own heart.
Graceful Contemplation
“The difference between this situation [forgiving my neighbor] and the one in which you are asking God’s forgiveness is this. In our own case we accept excuses too easily, in other people’s we do not accept them easily enough. As regards my own sins it is a safe bet (though not a certainty) that the excuses are not really so good as I think; as regards other men’s sins against me it is a safe bet (though not a certainty) that the excuses are better than I think. One must therefore begin by attending to everything which may show that the other man was not so much to blame as we thought. But even if he is absolutely fully to blame we still have to forgive him; and even if ninety-nine per cent of his apparent guilt can be explained away by really good excuses, the problem of forgiveness begins with the one per cent of guilt that is left over. To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” — C.S. Lewis
Big news!
My inspirational gothic romance, Shadow Point Skies, is now available as an audiobook! If you’ve been waiting to experience the mystery, faith, and romance of Shadow Point in a whole new way, you can now listen anytime, anywhere.
Settle in, press play, and let the story carry you away under the shadowed skies! Only $4.99 on Applebooks! Click here or the image below for more!
But wait! There’s more!
I’m honored to join Laurie Larsen on The Year I Read the Bible podcast for Episode 12: “The Bible Has Cliffs Notes??”
We dig into how biblical “summaries” (like Nehemiah’s recaps) function as natural Cliff Notes, why they’re built into Scripture, and what that teaches us about reading God’s Word in full.
Tune in to hear insights, stories, and some unexpected connections between literature and faith. Just click here or the image below.
Thank you for reading!
September was hot (in a good way)! My youth group continues to grow with new students showing up every week! And on September 12, I got to hear my old friend, Grammy winner Charlton Singleton, and his amazing quintet at the Village Concert Series!
